The pink line.

I had weird indigestion last night..kind of like when I am pregnant.  I've been on the mini-pill since 6 weeks post-partum, so I tried to shrug it off.  I couldn't shake the feeling though, so I dug a DollarTree pregnancy test out of the cabinet and took the test this morning... I'm PREGNANT!?!?!!!!   Barely 8 months postpartum and pregnant!  ...babies 16.5 months apart!  I am shocked and in awe, and VERY happy. 
Definitely much sooner than I would have planned, but it's Gods deal not mine.  The giving (and taking, as I also have experienced) are His job alone and not mine to fret over.  Pregnant for the 12th time, but with only 4 earth babies.  I have lost 7, burying 2 of them.  Pregnancy holds no illusion of certainty for me.  I know pregnancy can end early leaving no lasting mark except on my heart, I know it can end later and nearly take my life in the process, and I know that sometimes, sometimes...I get to have a baby to hold at the end of it all.  The odds are obviously against me, but again, it is God's thing and not about odds.

A miracle has taken place in me, there is a life in there, and while I pray that God will continue to preform miracles and bring this pregnancy to fruition with a healthy baby, my bigger prayer is that HE will be glorified no matter what the outcome.  I am amazed at His handiwork, and I dearly want to hold this baby, but I will praise and thank the God who started this life even if it is lost. 

No matter what, STILL I will praise you Lord.  Please help my faith in you be greater than my fear of loss.  Please keep my heart quiet and filled with joy.