Definitely much sooner than I would have planned, but it's Gods deal not mine. The giving (and taking, as I also have experienced) are His job alone and not mine to fret over. Pregnant for the 12th time, but with only 4 earth babies. I have lost 7, burying 2 of them. Pregnancy holds no illusion of certainty for me. I know pregnancy can end early leaving no lasting mark except on my heart, I know it can end later and nearly take my life in the process, and I know that sometimes, sometimes...I get to have a baby to hold at the end of it all. The odds are obviously against me, but again, it is God's thing and not about odds.
A miracle has taken place in me, there is a life in there, and while I pray that God will continue to preform miracles and bring this pregnancy to fruition with a healthy baby, my bigger prayer is that HE will be glorified no matter what the outcome. I am amazed at His handiwork, and I dearly want to hold this baby, but I will praise and thank the God who started this life even if it is lost.
No matter what, STILL I will praise you Lord. Please help my faith in you be greater than my fear of loss. Please keep my heart quiet and filled with joy.
